/Advice

I was fascinated with Chatroulette for a while and at some point I started hooking up with people directly over webcam. I have a boyfriend and while I don’t consider it cheating, I keep my camming a secret. Do you think it’s cheating? Also, I’ve been wondering how safe it is to get naked on cam for random strangers.


Is it cheating? That’s a question you can answer better than I can - what qualifies as ‘cheating’ varies dramatically from person to person. And I think you’ve answered your own question. If you’re keeping it a secret, then I think you know that you’re boyfriend isn’t going to be supportive.

If you’re asking for my personal opinion - as it applies to my own life - then hell no, webcamming isn’t cheating. On the contrary, it’s hot and it’s weird and it can be a great complement to a sex life. It combines some of my favorite elements: strangers, the option of anonymity, low commitment, nakedness, voyeurism, exhibitionism, a little sleaze. Plus, I really, really like watching men masturbate. And it’s nice to get the thrill of contact with strangers with none of the STI risk.

As for safety, I’m no pro and I’m not a lawyer. I’m also more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist, so I prefer to watch than be watched. But I can cover a few basics.

In terms of legal safety, the most obvious issue you’ll have to watch out for is age. If they’re under 18, you’re assaulting a minor with your bare bosom. If they’re under 18, you’re partaking in child pornography. And if you’re under 18, you’re distributing child pornography. So, don’t do that. Chat with strangers who are clearly and thoroughly over the age of 18.

The other area of safety is protecting your privacy, and this is something I have experience with. While the odds of picking up a stalker are fairly slim, all it takes is one and it will make your life miserable or, worse, it can result in a destructive, even dangerous outcome. Never disclose identifying details about yourself. Make sure that your space isn’t identifiable. Remove any distinguishing objects from your room. Never give out your real name, including your first name. If someone has your first name, and you happen to let some detail about your life slip - where you’re going to school, where you work, which town you live in - you’d be surprised at how easily a stranger will be able to piece enough details together for a google search.

Another risk you should be prepared for is having your video chats recorded and distributed. They're easy to record, they're easy to distribute. Don’t do it if you’re not prepared to see your video posted on BuzzFeed or Reddit or 4Chan, or any one of the million porn sites. One way to minimize the potential damage of this is by making sure your face is never visible. Position your webcam so that your face is just out of frame, and if your anonymous partner on the other side pitches a fit about it, find someone else. Alternatively, you can opt for a few layers of disguise: a mask, a wig, a lace blindfold, a shitty webcam. Tweak the levels until you’re partially blown out, or lower the lights so that you’re cast in shadow. Just remember to envision the worst case scenario and ask yourself if you feel reasonably protected.

And if you want to be hardcore about it, hide your IP. There are a few ways to do this. You can use a proxy server. Find a proxy server, then configure your browser