/Advice

I’ve been thinking about getting into sex work, but I’m a little nervous about how I’ll feel about myself. What are your thoughts on that? I love sex but I worry about the emotional impact.


How it will impact you, emotionally, probably depends on how you feel about yourself, how you handle risk, and how you view sex. What’s your confidence level? Where do you get your sense of self-worth? What would you get out of sex work other than money? Has sex ever made you feel shame?

This is how I see it: your body is yours. Your decisions are your own. If you derive your sense of self from the opinions of others, then you’ll have a hard time. If you’re looking for someone to rescue you (from yourself, from your financial situation), you’ll be disappointed and hurt and probably depressed. To be involved in sex work and be happy, my feeling is that you'll need an unshakable sense of self and total comfort with self-reliance.

I think the biggest risk, emotionally, is the gap between fantasy and reality. There’s a lot of fantasy out there, and the reality - whatever form of sex work you choose - is going to be very different. I'm tempted to sketch out the worst for you, but the truth is that it's different for everyone. Whatever the reality is, you’ll need to be able to adapt to that difference, because if you’re driven by fantasy, you’re going to put yourself through a lot of pain.

The second biggest risk is something I didn’t anticipate, and that’s the stress that comes with legal danger. Until sex work is decriminalized (in the States, some work is legal but most isn’t), then you’ll be afraid, and fear takes a heavy emotional toll over a period of time. It’ll force you to hide. It's isolating, which is why self-reliance is important. So there's that, too.

Public perception is an issue. For whatever reason, sex work is overwhelmingly condemned. Liberals will try to convince you that you're being exploited, conservatives will condemn you for your misaligned moral compass (and then try to book a session with you). People will assume that you had a damaged childhood, and if you correct them, they'll assume you're overcompensating. Everyone, including the most ignorant, will try to speak for you.